The Archbishop of Baden writes:
4) As this is a religious forum pronography, offensive language and threats of violence will be permitted at any time.
That's either a typo or your church is somewhere way to the left of us freethinkin' Unitarian types
(Sorry - first thing I read getting out of bed this morning and I needed a laugh. Feel free to delete this post when you correct the typo and best wishes to Die Calormen Bekennende Evangelische Lutheraner Synode.)
Bill Bekkenhuis
Instigator, Briesk Freethought Society
bekkenhuis@fast.net
Bill, Bill, Bill...
Lutherans do not delete posts, we just beat the poster... please send your complete address and driving instructions so that we may send some of our German goons to find you and give you a good flogging.... Not for pointin oput our errors... as we have many, but for comparing us to Unitarians... for tha the punishment is death
.
The Arch Bishop of Baden
Not for pointin oput our errors... as we have many, but for comparing us to Unitarians... for tha the punishment is death
Satan is giving visitors a tour of Hell.
They pass one closed door and hear pitiable screaming and wailing...
"Good Lord," says the visitor, "who is in there?"
"Catholics," says Satan, "They ate meat on Friday."
Another door, more wailing...
"Jews," says Satan, anticipating the question, "They ate pork".
A third door, more wailing.
"Unitarians," says Satan.
"Unitarians?!" exclaims the tourist. "What on earth did THEY do?"
"Ate their entree with their salad fork..."
Regards,
Bill Bekkenhuis
bekkenhuis@fast.net
HOW MANY CHRISTIANS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
Anglicans: 8. One to call the electrician and 7 to say how much they liked the old one better.
Charismatics: Only one. Hands are already in the air.
Lutherans: Change ?!?!?!?!?!
Mennonites: At least 15. One to change the bulb and 3 or 4 committees to approve the change. Oh, and a casserole.
Mormons: 5. One man to change the bulb and 4 wives to tell him how to do it.
Pentecostals: 10. One to change the bulb and 9 to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None. God has predestined when the lights will go on and off.
Roman Catholics: None. They use candles.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favour of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey, you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb. Present it next month at our annual Light Bulb Sunday Service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
<_<
A man who was not very religious but nevertheless led a good life dies and goes to Heaven. St. Peter shows him around with an eye to him deciding where in Heaven he'd like to live.
"This door is the Heaven of the Muslims," he says. "Here everyone gets seventy two virgins. And this door is the Heaven of the Jews. Here everyone gets to study the Torah all day long. This door leads to the Heaven of the Catholics. All the saints are in there, as is the Virgin Mary. And this door leads to the Heaven of the Baptists...be very quiet as we go by, they think they're the only ones here."
To have a few doubts is normal.
To have many doubts is to have a crisis of faith.
To have constant doubts is to be a Unitarian
That first one's hilarious, and somewhat true...